Do you remember that night when you left me,
a bundle of blankets outside someone’s door?
No shelter but a meager basket protecting me from the rain
as if I was a gift given on Christmas Eve but instead of
staying you just leave with no goodbyes, only two fading sounds
of you knocking at the door. Maybe that was your goodbye. I wish I knew.
Somehow I wish it was not Christmas that time because
maybe then you would not give me away.
I remember the way you smell, like freshly cut flowers from the
woods. Never wilting, never growing old. If I may be so bold
to ask you how old you are now. Do you still look the same
since Day 1? I remember your laugh. It always made me giggle
as if your every laugh was a joke and your smile was the punchline.
I remember the time you and dad looked at me and I looked
back. Back then I didn’t know what was going on. But I remember.
Will it always only be “remember”?
I was wondering what your names are
because my nosy teacher always asked me that question.
I’d tell her I didn’t know then she’d reply “ask them what their names are”
Can you come back to where you left me and tell me your names?
Even just your names. I’m not ashamed , not embarrassed.
I just miss you. You could see how much I miss you in the calendar
above my bed at the house where fate embraced me.
Every day in that calendar, marked “X” since Day 1.
Nothing could make me happier than to see that smile once more.
I got an A in Math! I wish you were here. I want to see
that proud smile when I hand you my test paper.
I wrote a letter in English about who we miss the most.
Mine was good but the teacher kept asking “Why are there blank spaces?
Who do you miss the most?” Maybe if I remember your faces
hard enough the answer will come just as I tried since Day 1.
It’s a beautiful day today! Don’t worry too much about me.
I’m being well taken care of. I’m glad it’s sunny
because if it rains, I will feel that hole in my heart expanding,
trying to bring back that moment when your footsteps echoed
as you made the distance between us farther and farther.
I’m not sad because you left me. I’m sad because maybe the rain
made you leave me behind. Maybe you’re just like me.
Maybe you also hate the rain since Day 1.
Do you miss me?
Did I hurt you in any way?
Did I do something wrong?
Can you tell me where you are? Maybe you just
can’t travel that far anymore. I can. I’ll go to your place.
How are you now? Is dad with you today?
What happened to you since Day 1?
Sometimes I even wonder if you are coming back.
The moment I do I smile and laugh because the answer is obvious.
Of course you will! You’re just looking for the right time, right?
Can you tell me if it’s the truth?
I hope you still remember me and where you left me since Day 1 because
you might get lost.
It’s almost a year since Day 1.
I can feel that you’re going to come back and surprise me on my birthday.
I hope you did not bring so many presents.
Just seeing you again will be enough.
Oh! That reminds me. Advanced Merry Christmas!
It’s cold being near the window sill.
Even though I’m inside the house it’s as if
the freezing night enters my body, telling me something I
don’t want to know. Did you get lost? Are you getting cold?
They told me to not go near the window because it’s cold.
But I want to because I can see the porch were you left me from here.
The porch in Day 1.
Do you remember that day?…